Rude Shock, Happy Ending

I didn't buy my usual bargain beers at the weekend just past. Our bags were heavy enough with Vicky's booze (gluten free beers and organic cidre) so I gave our shoulders a break and the beers a miss. It would be okay, I naively thought; I have rum at home.

Well, I finished off the rum on Monday and decided to have an alcohol-free day on Tuesday. What I fool I was. It was a rough day at work, I was home later than I'd hoped and, after I flopped onto the bed, Vicky popped open one of her beers and settled in next to me (we are too povo for a couch). 

I put my shoes back on and trekked five doors down to the Asian mini-mart (note: not open on Sundays) where I was charged the exorbitant sum of €2.40 for two cold beers. Okay, sure, some of that cost is the pfand deposit but I won't be the one to return the bottles. Doing so would rob the neighbour children an income.

My point is: if you're a recovering alcoholic, Berlin may not be the best place to visit. If you're anybody else, it's flipping ace. If you're a small boy, there's money to be made in my building's recycling bin. 

Shopping in Berlin is maximally munted

I don't mean this to come off as a massive whinge. One of the reasons I left Australia (albeit temporarily) was to get away from an endlessly-whining upper middle class complaining that governments weren't giving them enough free money. To turn into one of those horrid, self-entitled arseholes after leaving would make me very, very ashamed. Also, there is an awful lot that I love about Berlin. There's great, big heaving armloads of things to love. Too much for one man to hold in his manly arms!

But seriously, Berlin, shopping here is really fucked.

wankers

Not only is Berlin a fantastic place to live and be a drunken yob (see the start of this post), it's also really easy to be a self-righteous wanker. I've already recounted our regular trips to Vego Foodworld --- a vegan fast-food paradise where even the potatoes come from "happy farms" --- but check out some of our other grocery-shopping purchases:

Bier bei Berlin

The 3 litres of beer below costs me only €2.19 and it was not bad at all.

Goldener Price Prize-winning dirt cheap beer!

Blimey I love it here.


My liver, not so much.

German mysteries

Some things about Germany are very strange. This is one of those things. Below is a photo of two different kinds of Colgate toothpaste. 

Which is the more totally complete? Komplett, ultra weiss or Total Whitening, komplett-schutz?

Put your answers - which and why -  to this most confounding of riddles into the comments box and Vicky and I will select the winner in a highly-rigourous systematic evaluation. The winner will get a tube of the supreme paste to call their very own.*

Zahncremes

If that mystery is beyond you, you can participate in the back-up version: which toothpaste did I buy, and which did Vicky buy? No prizes for that one. It's dead obvious. 


*tube not suitable for framing.

wunderbar

Yes, it's a thing. How could it not be?

and yes, it is perched on my sexy thigh.

It contains traces of gluten, though, even though there's no need for it to, so it's not really a wunderbar wunderbar.

Catch this Cab? Only for unfulfilled thrills.

Not too long ago, when I was still young, Vicky and I were strolling through Kaiser's supermarket. (Yes, we shop like kings, dammit, like KINGS!). A few shops prior to that, we were also strolling through the aisles at Kaiser's when the following caught my eye:

Chilly Chilli

For a country with such a cold, grey climate, Germany does hot/spicy food surprisingly poorly. Rather than attempting to whisk away the winter blues with a lovely, warming curry that'll set your mouth on fire and run rockets down your gullet, the Germans appear to prefer sipping on lukewarm mush that matches the dreary sky above.

While Vicky and I have struggled in vain to find a decent spicy meal, no experience has so disappointed us as our evening eating 'hot chili' cornchips with a 'hot' salsa dip.

Almondy!

Glutenfrei chocolatey deliciousness.

In a supermarket freezer near you...if you live in Berlin.

Berlin, the gay-friendliest capital.

In the treats aisle of your local supermarket:

Super Dickmann's are super big with crispy chocolate

Not just any kind of Dickmann's, mind. Super Dickmann's.


Also, I shit you not, 'Prall' translates to 'firm', 'bulging', 'swollen' or 'chubby'. Who says Germans don't have a sense of humour?

NUTELLAAAAAA!

When I saw this at the supermarket, I just had to have it. 

1.4 kg of Nutella for €5.99. The jar is as big as my face.

World's Greatest Branding

It works on so very many levels.

Soft AND reliable. Ladies, your search is over.